blog challenge

Here on this 25th day of May 2011, I hereby raise this challenge to anyone that is daring to try...I propose to you; think and tell the world of bloggers about at least one happy thing that happens during your day for the next 27 days. I have been told that there is always a little ray of sunshine even within the most stormy of days...shall we see if we can find it?? I am willing to try, the question is......ARE YOU?!

random pics

sometimes I wonder

Lately I have become very reflective on things that have happened to me and things that I have done within the last few years. I sometimes wonder if I have just been letting life pass me by. I look at myself and wonder, 'what have you accomplished? You haven't gone to school, you aren't married, you have no kids and have no thoughts about really having any, you don't spend alot of time with friends or family, you don't have many hobbies, you don't exercise, you don't like your job, you can't say that you are happy, you don't do the things that use to make you happy...what, if anything ashlee, have you accomplished lately?' Sometimes I wonder what is the point? Do you know what it is? Any guess? I am sure some of you would say what I am missing is religion, or some would say I am missing having a family of my own, or a place of my own to call home, and some may just say it is just my attitute that needs to change and things will be better. Those are all good answers I guess...but I am not sure any of those would make me feel any better. Somedays it is just really hard to even want to get up in the morning. I have a wonderful family that has been there for me and loved me even when I was very angry and bitter, they were there for me during my "dark time". I have some really great friends as well and even though I don't see them or talk to them all the time I still cherish every moment I get to share with them. I feel silly because I am 25 years old and have NO idea what I want to be when I grow up. Most of my friends have already choosen a career and have finished schooling for it or are very close to being done and here I stand and have NO CLUE what so ever what I would even be interested in to study for. I feel so silly to say that but it is true. There are so many things out there in the world to learn and study for but what do I start with first? What if I hate what I am studying? What if I am not smart enough for it? What if I am too scared? What if...what IF?!! that question right there, those two simple words, those words hold so much and so little at the same time. How is that? Sorry I tend to ramble, if you are still reading...thank you ;) I should feel grateful and I am grateful for many, many things...but at the same time I still feel very unworthy I guess. I feel like I haven't accomplished anything to be proud of. I feel like I am in limbo and don't know how to get moving out of limbo. I once wanted to do photography but I don't feel like my photos are anything great anymore...I have friends and family that all have "photography business" and I don't.. I use to swim and was good at it..but now I am out of shape and out of practice with no motivation to get back in the water. I use to be a good piano player but can't seem to remember my song I composed. I use to be a great friend but feel like a failure because I have lost some great friends and don't know why. I use to be compassionate but I feel like my heart has no room for it...or my heart doesn't know how to deal with it any more. I use to have motivation to do many many things but now I can't seem to find motivation for anything...I am usually lucky if I can get myself out the door in time for work every day. I feel like I use to be a good worker at work but now feel just put down by things and just "make it by" every day. Okay I am sorry all of that is just very boring and sad. Sorry.
Now on to happy news, I am flying out country in about 1 month. CRAZY, I know!! I am scared, nervous, excited, worried, happy, stressed...and alot more different emotions at the moment. I am almost done with my orientation for my new CNA job...maybe someday I will be a nurse...who knows. It is almost summer time. I got a couple new books that I need to find time to read. Also I need to start knitting again and finish some projects I have going. I need to start excerising again, maybe I will tonight...we shall see. Or maybe I will make brownies or cookies and eat the whole batch. ...Oh what tonight will bring.

for now it is

When you left the first time I watched in sadness and thought that was that, then you came back and said you were here to stay. As I watch you disappear into the night once more, how I wish I had held you more. You held everything in your words, and in your arms you held me. I doubt you understand how much it hurts to watch you go and have you never know how much I care. We could be great, you and I. But until there is another Hello; for now it is just goodbye.

yum

Hello Strawberry short cake! you are Yummy!!
...enough said...

spice

I need to spice things up again, anyone got good ideas on how to do that? :) Changes coming soon. So stay tuned!

Things I am tried of

1. People that think they are funny when really they are not and having to do the courtesy laugh


2. listening to people complain about whatever they can think of just to complain. I am sorry I don't control the weather, I don't control the rates or economy. Stop complaining and realize that there has to be at least one thing that you are happy about in life.


3. people that don't tell the truth


4. people that make plans with you and then just flake out on you


5. people that think I am weaker than I am, just because I am small does not mean I am weak (I am not the hulk but I am not just a weakling either)


6. people that want me to read their mind, I am not a mind reader please communicate with me

things you might not know

I don't know who reads my blog, if anyone, but I decided that I would tell you some things about me you might not know. Some might know and others might not know.

1. I am right handed but really want to become left handed as well.


2. I love the TV series Greys Antonmy, Friends, and One Tree Hill.


3. I have no real home anymore...I live between my parents house, my sister's house and my car...depending on the day and which job I work


4. I got my second job to distract me from unnecessary worry and stress; however I have just added to the stress and worry, go me ;)


5. I love reading so that I can escape and have some friends that the characters seem to be for me (lame I know)


6. I love puzzles. I could sit for hours listening to a movie or music while I was doing a puzzle


7. I have written a couple of song on the piano but need to put them on paper so I can play it the same way more than once


8. I can't play the same song the same way more than once


9. I have a love/hate relationship with food


10. I love to bake and then I hardly eat any of the food I bake


11. I pretend I am a tough person but really I am scared.


12. I don't really like being alone but I am constantly


13. I have bad luck with cell phones, guys and eating chocolate when wearing white


14. I haven't slept well or through the night for months


15. I have a huge sweet tooth


16. I am starting to love salads (or rabbit food as I call it)


17. I believe I am a fun, funny, smart, sweet, sensitive girl with a big heart.....I just need others to see these things


18. I try to be happy all the time but I have my bad days too


19. A couple of years ago I had a really hard time and it was a really dark unhappy time for me and I shut off my feelings/emotions for a good 2 years. I am now starting to have them come back and we aren't agreeing on things... so in other words I am kind of emotional sometimes because I don't know how to deal with my feelings anymore


20. I am very electronically challenged....computers, ipods, cell phones...etc.. we don't really agree much


21. I am scared to be alone, scared of success and failure


22. I have OCD alot at work


23. I clean when I get mad, frustrated or sad


24. I love to travel and see new things and even though it scares me I do alot of the traveling by myself


25. I always have to have some chapstick with me or I go nuts

Okay I think I will stop at 25 for now ;) Hope you all have a great day!

Things to keep me entertained

I have now picked up the hobby of knitting. Alot of the women at the hospital knit and they were wonderful to teach me how to do it. I am honestly surprised about how easy it is. I kind of really enjoy it.

Taste the rainbow! you have to make the rainbow before you can eat it...so I did. You should try it, it is enjoyable; you can feel like a little kid again.

I was out taking pictures and ran acrossed this redneck swing...I kind of want one.

One of things that I love the most is just being able to sit down and play the piano. I really hope to have a piano like this when I have my own place.

Snowy weekend

This past weekend was a wonderful weekend to go out and shoot some pictures. I had a wonderful time finding some fun pictures, I hope you enjoy them.

The picture above was taken on Christmas day when My sweet grandpa decided to surprise my grandma with singing her favorite song to her. This was a tender moment that I actually got to capture.

The picture below is a picture of my surgeon. I paid him a little visit to tell him thank you for everything that he has done for me. He did an amazing job with all of my surgeries. I am still thinking if I want to go back in and have more done or not. This was the first time that I have seen my doctor in 6 years. 6 YEARS! can you believe it?! I can't believe it has been that long! Anyway Thank you Dr. Morales! I will be forever grateful for everything you have done!!!

things

Things I do when I on call at work in the wee hours of the morning....

...youtube lots of random stuff
....use pandora alot!
....watch things on hulu
...try to get netflix to work on my laptop
...try to nap either in a couple of chairs or on a not so soft hospital bed
...and many other things of uselessness